Wordless, ummmm...Monday (kind of)

How did we get here so fast?  Watch out for next month, I'll likely be a sentimental, blubbering mess. LOL

What is that?

I'm almost scared to say it out loud but I actually feel happy.  Like, really happy.  All my life, whenever I thought things were starting to go right, something happened.  I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop but today, today I feel happy.  I have a wonderful husband that works really hard for his family, I have a gorgeous son that is smarter than anyone knows and who holds the key to my heart, things have been falling into place with the possible move back "home", and I have the best job in the whole world, my dream job really!

There, I said it.  Now, I'm going to lay low for a little while and hope for the best.

So, strange happenings lately, huh?  A major earthquake on the east coast?! A major hurricane heading up the east coast?! My FIL taking me on a shopping spree?!?!?!

That's right, in the eight years we have been together, my FIL had never really bought anything for me.  Don't get me wrong, it really didn't bother me, I actually didn't even think about it.  Whenever he visited, we went out to nice dinners and did nice things so I guess I can't "really" say that he never bought me anything but he never bought me an item for say my birthday, Christmas, etc.

So he came to visit us this past weekend and all of a sudden he said he wanted to go to the outlets and buy some stuff for me.  I was a bit shocked at first and didn't know what to say!  I will admit, I had a hard time getting into it but only because I felt so strange about it.  We first got me a shirt and I asked if that was it.  LOL.  Mike told me to keep going.  I got two shirts, a sweater, a pair of pants, and a shirt dress.  It was really sweet of him to do that and it was really nice to be pampered for a little while.

It was also a lot of fun watching him with Weston.  He is completely enamored with him.  I love seeing people with Weston.  He is so loved.

So back to the earthquake.  Did you feel it?  It freaked me out when I realized what it was.  At first, it was really soft and only made our display cabinet move.  I thought Lizzie (the cat) was messing with it so I yelled at her.  Then I realized she wasn't anywhere around it.  At that moment things really started moving!  I grabbed Weston and ran to our door to stand in the doorway.  Next, I grabbed the keys and booked it outside since I don't fully trust our building.  It was over in less than a minute but my heart was racing for a while after that.  I came back in to a things on the floor from shelves and in the kitchen but nothing broken or damaged.  That was so strange though.

And now, we wait to see what Irene has planned.

Other than shopping and standing in doorways, I have been busy with the rest of Weston's Birthday plans.  We have the restaurant booked, the decorations done, the candy buffet ready, the invitations ready.  I have about half of the sock monkeys done but still have a lot to do there.  I'm so excited for Weston's pictures this Saturday!

Weston update!
We officially have a walker!  He took 4 steps on his own today (after I had to stop him from messing with the Wii) and then kept doing it while we were on Skype with Mike!  He was having so much fun.  He also started giving high fives!  He also had his first glass of whole cow's milk.  It made me a little sad but he really enjoyed it. The kid loves trying new things which I'm so grateful for

Nine times out of ten, you will find Weston with something in his mouth.  He walks with stuff, crawls with stuff.  I'm not sure where he got that from but it's "his" thing.  Don't mind the avocado on his outfit.

Making Some Changes

I know this might be confusing to some, given my previous post, but I have decided to stop taking the Zoloft.  I was on such a small dose as it was and I really have been feeling so much better lately. I do, on occasion, have a bad day (like the other day) but for the most part I am happier than I have been since I can remember.

This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time so I'm not jumping into it.  I really think it is time.  I have also figured out that it may be playing a role in my weight frustrations. 

My weight gain has completely baffled me lately.  I watch what I eat, I exercise, I run after a baby all day, I still breastfeed but I was still slowly packing on the pounds.  I actually talked to Mike about it last weekend and told him that I was going to call our doctor about it.  My mom has thyroid issues so they know to be on the lookout with me and I was actually tested when I went in to my OB for the ppd because that is often the cause but it apparently came back clear.  I figured it didn't hurt to have it checked again though because I couldn't figure out what else it could be. 

The next day I started looking things up on Dr. Google and realized that a lot of people taking Zoloft report weight gain.  Even though it is not officially a side effect of the drug, many people seem to have this same problem.  I'm certainly not knocking Zoloft though.  I feel it really did help me pull myself out of a really dark place, I just don't think the side effects are worth continuing now that I'm feeling better.

Mike knows to keep an eye on things and will let me know if he notices anything going on with me.  I also decided to stop taking the Zoloft when I still had some left so that I had it on hand if I found that I really wasn't ready.

I stopped two days ago and so far, so good!  Despite some withdrawal symptoms, such as some severe bouts of dizziness and headaches, I actually feel really good.  As a bonus, I have dropped 3.5 lbs in the last two days!  I know that could simply be a coincidence; but it also may not be.

Brooke, to answer the question you left as a comment on my last post: I am not seeing a counselor right now.  I had wanted to and still might try but with being a (basically) single mom through the week and not having anyone around here to watch Weston, it makes it nearly impossible.  I really don't think it would be beneficial to take him with me because I would be so focused on him and what he is getting into that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the appointment. 

 I do know that I need to go though.  I do have some residual childhood issues as well as feelings about the birth that would be nice to work through.  I'm finally getting close with some other moms around here that I may feel comfortable with watching Weston soon.  We'll see. Either way, it seems more and more likely that we will be making the move back to PA at some point so I know I will have tons of people dying to babysit!

In other, more light, news; Weston is going to be ONE in less than TWO months!!!! Where did my squishy baby go? I booked the place for his party the other day and have been working really hard to get some diy things done.  I'm really excited but also sad to see him grow so fast. 

I have been working on the slideshow for Weston's birthday and it is at 45 minutes!  I will post the full one here with a warning so you can settle in with some popcorn.  I do plan to make a shorter one as well to share on FB and such.  I get so weepy when I watch it.  Oh, my sweet baby boy. 

And, here's a picture for your time.

One of Those Days

I would like to think that I've got my ppd pretty much under control these days.  So much so that I have considered coming off the Zoloft to see how I really am...then that one day happens.  That day that I let it get the best of me.  It's a somber reminder that this takes time.  I'm happy to say that the good days far outweigh the bad days but those bad days can really bring me down. 

I am now convinced that my ppd is tied directly to the c-section.  When I have a bad day, I often obsess about researching VBACs.  Keep in mind that I am not pregnant again and it isn't likely to happen for some time.  It makes me sad that I still have negative feelings toward the birth and it makes me sad when people dismiss those feelings.  After a bad day, I often remind myself that there are worse things and I'm grateful that I am moving in the right direction. I do worry that, with Weston's first birthday fast approaching, many of those feelings will come flooding to the surface.

I hope that one day, I will be able to get that experience that I had always pictured.  For now, I'll try to live in the moment and try not to focus on what cannot be changed.

I'm not very good at this...

The blogging thing that is.  It has been almost an entire MONTH since I last updated.  My only excuse is that life gets in the way sometimes.  We have been across the country and back, visited the beach, and some other "insane" stuff.

Cross-country
We went all the way to San Fransisco and back with Weston a few weeks ago.  He was such a trooper and wasn't really affected by the time change, flights, schedule change (or lack thereof). My legs on the other hand were complaining from all of the hill climbing and walking!  I didn't think I was that out of shape but SF showed me!  I'm not in the mood to go through everything we did there but here are some pictures to tell the story.

Still smiling after a five and a half our flight with multiple delays at the equivalent of midnight

I have so many pictures but I'm not going to add them all.  We did a lot in the few days we were there.  We had a blast but I was so happy to get home.

The next trip was to the beach!  We stayed at Mike's Aunt and Uncle's new place with my in-laws.  Weston officially loves the beach.  Again, we had so much fun but it was really nice to get home.

Look at that beach bod. 

 My little rule breaker

 My  new favorite family photo!

 The other "insane" stuff that I mentioned earlier is that I am doing the Insanity workouts right now.  I have had to keep restarting with all of the travel but I feel pretty good when I am able to do it.  It is the hardest workout I've done but I love it.  It's been way to hot outside to run which is why I started this program.  I'll probably continue to do this until I can run outside again without passing out.

I have been really busy with working on Weston's birthday and have almost everything done.  I still need to finish the mini sock monkeys that I'm making but that will take time.  I also tried another cake which I like so much better.  A friend suggested marshmallow fondant which is a bit easier to break through (it tastes better too).  Here is the new style:

 I have so much more to write but I'm tired now...maybe I should update more than once a month...

9 Months!

My baby boy is 9 months old today.  Where has the time gone and what happened to my baby!  He has changed so much over these last 9 months and it is amazing how fast time has gone by.  I love him more every day and have learned so much from him.  I can only hope that I can give back to him what he has given to me.
My sweet boy  

He decided that he was going to start giving high fives today and waving bye!  Both were out of the blue.  I had been working on waving but had only tried the high five thing a couple of times.  He amazes me constantly.

His official 9 month picture is up on his Watch Me Grow page but here are some outtakes.

Words so far: hi, nana (banana), momma, dada, lizzie

I'm not sure if he associates me with momma yet but he does know that Mike is dada, Lizzie is Lizzie, a banana is nana.

He is also testing his limits on standing on his own.  He lets go of things all the time but never for more than 30 seconds or so.  He is also a little daredevil and tries to climb on everything.  As I am typing this, he has moved his ball popper over to the couch (where I am), climbed up on it, and is trying to pull himself up on the couch while grabbing at the computer. LOL

It seems that he is going to be a little guy.  We don't have his 9 month appointment until he is almost 10 months old so I won't have official stats until then.  I weighed him today though and he is 17.6 lbs and about 27.5 inches.  Purely estimates though.  It's hard to try to measure an active 9 month old!

Did I talk about his first dentist appointment?  I don't think so.  There wasn't much involved in this one and they won't be doing much until he is 3.  For now, they just take a quick look to make sure everything looks good and go over some things that parents should know.  He charmed everyone in the office as usual though.

I'm starting to get some of the items I purchased from Etsy for his birthday!  I love them all so far.  I don't have time tonight but will try to take and post pictures when we get back from our trip.

MIA, again and lots of fun stuff

I just can't seem to find the time energy to write more often.  Now, I have so much to update and I can't think of it all. 

We are getting ready for our upcoming San Francisco trip.  I am really excited to see the city because everyone who has ever been loves it there.  While I am excited for it, I am also dreading it because of the 5+ hour plane ride and what it is going to do to Weston's schedule.  He has been doing so well lately with sleeping through the night and I'm afraid that the time difference, schedule change, and travel are all going to mess with that.

Hopefully it's not too bad.  Wish us luck!

I have also been deep in the throes of planning.  Don't make fun of me but I'm already planning Weston's first birthday party(ies).  While I'm sad to realize how fast time is going, I'm so excited to see what lies ahead.  I love it when he learns new things like when he discovered just how much fun it was to clap...and clap...and clap...you get the idea.  I love it all though.  I think I'm throwing myself into the planning so that I don't have to think too much about him actually turning one.

Back to the party; we are doing a Sock Monkey theme.  Weston loves them so that is what we decided on.  I have spent a lot of time on Etsy finding the perfect items for his party and one year pictures.  So far I have purchased these:

I also bought a party hat that matches the diaper cover and tie but I won't have a picture until I actually get it.  I can't wait to get all of this stuff!

This is my inspiration board:

Another thing I bought was some mini red heal socks so I can try my hand at making miniature sock monkeys for any kids that come to the party(ies).

In addition to the Etsy finds, I started looking into his smash cake.  I want to do a photography session with a nice looking smash cake.  At first, I was all set to buy a cake from a bakery but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it might be better if I just make it.  That way, I can control what goes into it and it won't cost an arm and a leg (well maybe my arm but more on that later).

So today I decided that I needed to do a trial run to see if I could even work with fondant.  We went all over the place collecting things for me to make the cake when I finally thought to try Michaels.  If you are ever in need of fondant or other baking supplies, check there.

Because Weston is not ready to have all of that sugar, I was making the cake for myself and Mike and then to take to my mom's group.  I decided to make the cake following this recipe and this one for the icing to help cut the calories somewhat.

Let me tell you...fondant is very time consuming!  I loved it though.  Here are a few tips and things I learned along the way.

• If you don't like spending time on baking, pay someone to make it
• Buy the pre-colored fondant...TRUST me
• Have a plan before you purchase anything
• Plan to spend the majority of the day on the cake
• Have a Magic Eraser on hand for cleanup
• Watch videos on working with fondant

If I can think of anything else, I'll add them later.

So, after purchasing all of the things I needed to make the cake (this included a fondant smoother, a rotating cake stand, an angled spatula, and fondant cutters) I got to it.  The cake and icing were super easy.  Once that was all ready, I started rolling the fondant out.  This is what I was talking about when I said it may cost an arm...that was tough!  I got the cake covered in a layer of fondant and then started working on the design.  I couldn't find a brown fondant so I bought the powder to color the white fondant.  It took the better part of an hour to mix the color in and I never did get it to the shade I was going for.  This is why I say to buy the pre-colored stuff.

After about 6 hours of working on the thing, I'm finally done!  I'm actually pretty happy with how it turned out considering it was my first time working with fondant.

Finished product

There are a few things that I plan to change for the big day.  I am going to use red frosting along the bottom of the cake instead of the brown fondant that I used tonight (this was a pain to do and unnecessary).  I am also going to use white fondant in place of the blue and I'm ether going to try to find a dark brown pre-colored fondant or use a pre-colored black fondant.  Other than that, I hope to make it a little cleaner looking.

I'm exhausted now so hopefully I'll do another update soon.  Let me know what you think of the cake!  Be honest.