One of Those Days

I would like to think that I've got my ppd pretty much under control these days.  So much so that I have considered coming off the Zoloft to see how I really am...then that one day happens.  That day that I let it get the best of me.  It's a somber reminder that this takes time.  I'm happy to say that the good days far outweigh the bad days but those bad days can really bring me down. 

I am now convinced that my ppd is tied directly to the c-section.  When I have a bad day, I often obsess about researching VBACs.  Keep in mind that I am not pregnant again and it isn't likely to happen for some time.  It makes me sad that I still have negative feelings toward the birth and it makes me sad when people dismiss those feelings.  After a bad day, I often remind myself that there are worse things and I'm grateful that I am moving in the right direction. I do worry that, with Weston's first birthday fast approaching, many of those feelings will come flooding to the surface.

I hope that one day, I will be able to get that experience that I had always pictured.  For now, I'll try to live in the moment and try not to focus on what cannot be changed.