"Your first breath took ours away"
Monday, August 29, 2011
Wordless, ummmm...Monday (kind of)
How did we get here so fast? Watch out for next month, I'll likely be a sentimental, blubbering mess. LOL
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
What is that?
I'm almost scared to say it out loud but I actually feel happy. Like, really happy. All my life, whenever I thought things were starting to go right, something happened. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop but today, today I feel happy. I have a wonderful husband that works really hard for his family, I have a gorgeous son that is smarter than anyone knows and who holds the key to my heart, things have been falling into place with the possible move back "home", and I have the best job in the whole world, my dream job really!
There, I said it. Now, I'm going to lay low for a little while and hope for the best.
So, strange happenings lately, huh? A major earthquake on the east coast?! A major hurricane heading up the east coast?! My FIL taking me on a shopping spree?!?!?!
That's right, in the eight years we have been together, my FIL had never really bought anything for me. Don't get me wrong, it really didn't bother me, I actually didn't even think about it. Whenever he visited, we went out to nice dinners and did nice things so I guess I can't "really" say that he never bought me anything but he never bought me an item for say my birthday, Christmas, etc.
So he came to visit us this past weekend and all of a sudden he said he wanted to go to the outlets and buy some stuff for me. I was a bit shocked at first and didn't know what to say! I will admit, I had a hard time getting into it but only because I felt so strange about it. We first got me a shirt and I asked if that was it. LOL. Mike told me to keep going. I got two shirts, a sweater, a pair of pants, and a shirt dress. It was really sweet of him to do that and it was really nice to be pampered for a little while.
It was also a lot of fun watching him with Weston. He is completely enamored with him. I love seeing people with Weston. He is so loved.
So back to the earthquake. Did you feel it? It freaked me out when I realized what it was. At first, it was really soft and only made our display cabinet move. I thought Lizzie (the cat) was messing with it so I yelled at her. Then I realized she wasn't anywhere around it. At that moment things really started moving! I grabbed Weston and ran to our door to stand in the doorway. Next, I grabbed the keys and booked it outside since I don't fully trust our building. It was over in less than a minute but my heart was racing for a while after that. I came back in to a things on the floor from shelves and in the kitchen but nothing broken or damaged. That was so strange though.
And now, we wait to see what Irene has planned.
Other than shopping and standing in doorways, I have been busy with the rest of Weston's Birthday plans. We have the restaurant booked, the decorations done, the candy buffet ready, the invitations ready. I have about half of the sock monkeys done but still have a lot to do there. I'm so excited for Weston's pictures this Saturday!
Weston update!
We officially have a walker! He took 4 steps on his own today (after I had to stop him from messing with the Wii) and then kept doing it while we were on Skype with Mike! He was having so much fun. He also started giving high fives! He also had his first glass of whole cow's milk. It made me a little sad but he really enjoyed it. The kid loves trying new things which I'm so grateful for
Nine times out of ten, you will find Weston with something in his mouth. He walks with stuff, crawls with stuff. I'm not sure where he got that from but it's "his" thing. Don't mind the avocado on his outfit.
There, I said it. Now, I'm going to lay low for a little while and hope for the best.
So, strange happenings lately, huh? A major earthquake on the east coast?! A major hurricane heading up the east coast?! My FIL taking me on a shopping spree?!?!?!
That's right, in the eight years we have been together, my FIL had never really bought anything for me. Don't get me wrong, it really didn't bother me, I actually didn't even think about it. Whenever he visited, we went out to nice dinners and did nice things so I guess I can't "really" say that he never bought me anything but he never bought me an item for say my birthday, Christmas, etc.
So he came to visit us this past weekend and all of a sudden he said he wanted to go to the outlets and buy some stuff for me. I was a bit shocked at first and didn't know what to say! I will admit, I had a hard time getting into it but only because I felt so strange about it. We first got me a shirt and I asked if that was it. LOL. Mike told me to keep going. I got two shirts, a sweater, a pair of pants, and a shirt dress. It was really sweet of him to do that and it was really nice to be pampered for a little while.
It was also a lot of fun watching him with Weston. He is completely enamored with him. I love seeing people with Weston. He is so loved.
So back to the earthquake. Did you feel it? It freaked me out when I realized what it was. At first, it was really soft and only made our display cabinet move. I thought Lizzie (the cat) was messing with it so I yelled at her. Then I realized she wasn't anywhere around it. At that moment things really started moving! I grabbed Weston and ran to our door to stand in the doorway. Next, I grabbed the keys and booked it outside since I don't fully trust our building. It was over in less than a minute but my heart was racing for a while after that. I came back in to a things on the floor from shelves and in the kitchen but nothing broken or damaged. That was so strange though.
And now, we wait to see what Irene has planned.
Other than shopping and standing in doorways, I have been busy with the rest of Weston's Birthday plans. We have the restaurant booked, the decorations done, the candy buffet ready, the invitations ready. I have about half of the sock monkeys done but still have a lot to do there. I'm so excited for Weston's pictures this Saturday!
Weston update!
We officially have a walker! He took 4 steps on his own today (after I had to stop him from messing with the Wii) and then kept doing it while we were on Skype with Mike! He was having so much fun. He also started giving high fives! He also had his first glass of whole cow's milk. It made me a little sad but he really enjoyed it. The kid loves trying new things which I'm so grateful for
Nine times out of ten, you will find Weston with something in his mouth. He walks with stuff, crawls with stuff. I'm not sure where he got that from but it's "his" thing. Don't mind the avocado on his outfit.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Making Some Changes
I know this might be confusing to some, given my previous post, but I have decided to stop taking the Zoloft. I was on such a small dose as it was and I really have been feeling so much better lately. I do, on occasion, have a bad day (like the other day) but for the most part I am happier than I have been since I can remember.
This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time so I'm not jumping into it. I really think it is time. I have also figured out that it may be playing a role in my weight frustrations.
My weight gain has completely baffled me lately. I watch what I eat, I exercise, I run after a baby all day, I still breastfeed but I was still slowly packing on the pounds. I actually talked to Mike about it last weekend and told him that I was going to call our doctor about it. My mom has thyroid issues so they know to be on the lookout with me and I was actually tested when I went in to my OB for the ppd because that is often the cause but it apparently came back clear. I figured it didn't hurt to have it checked again though because I couldn't figure out what else it could be.
The next day I started looking things up on Dr. Google and realized that a lot of people taking Zoloft report weight gain. Even though it is not officially a side effect of the drug, many people seem to have this same problem. I'm certainly not knocking Zoloft though. I feel it really did help me pull myself out of a really dark place, I just don't think the side effects are worth continuing now that I'm feeling better.
Mike knows to keep an eye on things and will let me know if he notices anything going on with me. I also decided to stop taking the Zoloft when I still had some left so that I had it on hand if I found that I really wasn't ready.
I stopped two days ago and so far, so good! Despite some withdrawal symptoms, such as some severe bouts of dizziness and headaches, I actually feel really good. As a bonus, I have dropped 3.5 lbs in the last two days! I know that could simply be a coincidence; but it also may not be.
Brooke, to answer the question you left as a comment on my last post: I am not seeing a counselor right now. I had wanted to and still might try but with being a (basically) single mom through the week and not having anyone around here to watch Weston, it makes it nearly impossible. I really don't think it would be beneficial to take him with me because I would be so focused on him and what he is getting into that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the appointment.
I do know that I need to go though. I do have some residual childhood issues as well as feelings about the birth that would be nice to work through. I'm finally getting close with some other moms around here that I may feel comfortable with watching Weston soon. We'll see. Either way, it seems more and more likely that we will be making the move back to PA at some point so I know I will have tons of people dying to babysit!
In other, more light, news; Weston is going to be ONE in less than TWO months!!!! Where did my squishy baby go? I booked the place for his party the other day and have been working really hard to get some diy things done. I'm really excited but also sad to see him grow so fast.
I have been working on the slideshow for Weston's birthday and it is at 45 minutes! I will post the full one here with a warning so you can settle in with some popcorn. I do plan to make a shorter one as well to share on FB and such. I get so weepy when I watch it. Oh, my sweet baby boy.
And, here's a picture for your time.
This is something that I have been thinking about for a long time so I'm not jumping into it. I really think it is time. I have also figured out that it may be playing a role in my weight frustrations.
My weight gain has completely baffled me lately. I watch what I eat, I exercise, I run after a baby all day, I still breastfeed but I was still slowly packing on the pounds. I actually talked to Mike about it last weekend and told him that I was going to call our doctor about it. My mom has thyroid issues so they know to be on the lookout with me and I was actually tested when I went in to my OB for the ppd because that is often the cause but it apparently came back clear. I figured it didn't hurt to have it checked again though because I couldn't figure out what else it could be.
The next day I started looking things up on Dr. Google and realized that a lot of people taking Zoloft report weight gain. Even though it is not officially a side effect of the drug, many people seem to have this same problem. I'm certainly not knocking Zoloft though. I feel it really did help me pull myself out of a really dark place, I just don't think the side effects are worth continuing now that I'm feeling better.
Mike knows to keep an eye on things and will let me know if he notices anything going on with me. I also decided to stop taking the Zoloft when I still had some left so that I had it on hand if I found that I really wasn't ready.
I stopped two days ago and so far, so good! Despite some withdrawal symptoms, such as some severe bouts of dizziness and headaches, I actually feel really good. As a bonus, I have dropped 3.5 lbs in the last two days! I know that could simply be a coincidence; but it also may not be.
Brooke, to answer the question you left as a comment on my last post: I am not seeing a counselor right now. I had wanted to and still might try but with being a (basically) single mom through the week and not having anyone around here to watch Weston, it makes it nearly impossible. I really don't think it would be beneficial to take him with me because I would be so focused on him and what he is getting into that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on the appointment.
I do know that I need to go though. I do have some residual childhood issues as well as feelings about the birth that would be nice to work through. I'm finally getting close with some other moms around here that I may feel comfortable with watching Weston soon. We'll see. Either way, it seems more and more likely that we will be making the move back to PA at some point so I know I will have tons of people dying to babysit!
In other, more light, news; Weston is going to be ONE in less than TWO months!!!! Where did my squishy baby go? I booked the place for his party the other day and have been working really hard to get some diy things done. I'm really excited but also sad to see him grow so fast.
I have been working on the slideshow for Weston's birthday and it is at 45 minutes! I will post the full one here with a warning so you can settle in with some popcorn. I do plan to make a shorter one as well to share on FB and such. I get so weepy when I watch it. Oh, my sweet baby boy.
And, here's a picture for your time.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
One of Those Days
I would like to think that I've got my ppd pretty much under control these days. So much so that I have considered coming off the Zoloft to see how I really am...then that one day happens. That day that I let it get the best of me. It's a somber reminder that this takes time. I'm happy to say that the good days far outweigh the bad days but those bad days can really bring me down.
I am now convinced that my ppd is tied directly to the c-section. When I have a bad day, I often obsess about researching VBACs. Keep in mind that I am not pregnant again and it isn't likely to happen for some time. It makes me sad that I still have negative feelings toward the birth and it makes me sad when people dismiss those feelings. After a bad day, I often remind myself that there are worse things and I'm grateful that I am moving in the right direction. I do worry that, with Weston's first birthday fast approaching, many of those feelings will come flooding to the surface.
I hope that one day, I will be able to get that experience that I had always pictured. For now, I'll try to live in the moment and try not to focus on what cannot be changed.
I am now convinced that my ppd is tied directly to the c-section. When I have a bad day, I often obsess about researching VBACs. Keep in mind that I am not pregnant again and it isn't likely to happen for some time. It makes me sad that I still have negative feelings toward the birth and it makes me sad when people dismiss those feelings. After a bad day, I often remind myself that there are worse things and I'm grateful that I am moving in the right direction. I do worry that, with Weston's first birthday fast approaching, many of those feelings will come flooding to the surface.
I hope that one day, I will be able to get that experience that I had always pictured. For now, I'll try to live in the moment and try not to focus on what cannot be changed.
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